FUCKYEAH Modern Family

Claire: What is the one thing a speeder can’t outrun?
Luke: Oh, bullets! A laser! Oh, I know, a falcon! Dad, jump in!
Phil: Not a good time.
Luke: A laser falcon!
Phil: [Whispering] That’s awesome.

Phil: “Luke, I am your father.”
Claire: “That takes me back to the delivery room.”
Phil: “[to Luke] That’s what I said to you when you were coming out of your mom’s lady parts.”

liveitout:

Claire’s a perfectionist, which sometimes is a good thing, like when it comes to picking a husband.

Phil: It’s Dunphy.
Jay: That’s what I said… Dumphy.
Phil: No, not “dumb”. Dunphy.
Jay: Dumphy.
Phil: Say “done”.
Jay: Done.
Phil: Say “fee”.
Jay: Fee.
Phil: Done-fee.
Jay: Dumphy.

fuckyeahtvpicspam:

DYLAN: I got your texts. You swore a lot.
HALEY: Who is she?
DYLAN: Who’s who?
HALEY: Your new girlfriend. I need her name and address so I can mess her up.
DYLAN: I don’t have a new girlfriend.
HALEY: Don’t play dumb, Dylan.
DYLAN: I’m not! I’m never playing dumb!
HALEY: I saw you at the stupid restaurant sharing a sundae with her ugly sweatshirt on the chair. [Dylan’s phone rings] Oh, is that the skank?
DYLAN: No, no, there is no skank.
HALEY: Well, then why aren’t you answering it?
DYLAN: Because I want to talk to you.
HALEY: Well, I want to talk to her. I’m gonna call her back and tell her to keep her hands off of what belongs to me.
DYLAN: [sighs] Haley…
PHIL: [Phil’s phone rings] Hello?
HALEY: Dad?
PHIL: Haley?
HALEY: Oh my god, the sweatshirt. That was you with Dylan?
CLAIRE: Wait, you’re the other girl?

Modern Family 2.09 - “Mother Tucker”

(via persuade)

Modern Family 2x9 Mother Tucker

Phil: Claire hates this new sweatshirt I bought; she says it looks like something a girl would wear to the beach.

(Source: typesetjez)

Modern Family 2x9 Mother Tucker

Phil: I was a lot like you in high school, except my hair was shorter and my guitar was a flute.

(Source: typesetjez)

Modern Family 2x9 Mother Tucker

Phil: Now that you guys are broken up, you can call me whatever you want. Phil, Vitamin P, P-Daddy.